In This Corner, A Clever Rejoinder
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Men think they have it rough because it’s them who do the picking up. The truth is, women have it tougher. There are a thousand and one guides out there instructing men how to pick up women and these range in topics from how to ask her out to how to bowl her over by turning tricks using a cigarette lighter case or Zippo lighters. In contrast, how many guides teaching women how to avoid unwelcome advances are there?
To correct this blatant inequality, here are some rejoinders you can use to shoot men down, torch pickup lines like you’d torch paper with your personalized Zippo, and shield yourself from indecent proposals.
He says: Hey babe, what’s your sign?
You say: Two words: keep out.
He says: Your place or mine?
You say: I prefer yours, actually. But you go on ahead; I have something to finish. If I’m not there in 30 minutes, start without me.
He says: If I told you you’re stunning, would you hold that against me?
You say: If I tell you you’re a dunderhead, would you go away?
He says: I’m three minutes away from asking you out and you can’t say no. I only have three months to live.
You say: Where should I send my condolence?
He says: You take my breath away.
You say: What would it take to get the rest of you taken away?
He says: I’m new in town. Could I get directions? To your apartment?
You say: Here’s a simple direction - go back where you came from.
He says: Do you come here often?
You say: Do you want me to get a restraining order?
He says: Tonight is your lucky night. You just won a date with me.
You say: What’s the second prize? Two dates with you?
He says: I want to give you the satisfaction of shooting me down so go ahead and tell me no.
You say: No.
He says: Great legs. What time do they open?
You say: Depends on who’s asking. Because it’s you, never-o’clock.
He says: I bet you’re worn out. You’ve been running through my mind all evening.
You say: Well, now you can watch me run out of here.
He says: Do you fall in love at first sight or should I walk past again?
You say: Walk past me again and stop only when you’ve reached the next state.
A rude pickup line can make you feel picked on. Fight back with a caustic reply. If he has half a brain, he will get the message. If he’s too dumb to get the insult, take comfort in the knowledge he will not be polluting your gene pool.
